CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

thanks for you opinion!!!

"mommy"

My role model is Barbie

I閳ユ獡 your artificial hottie

With a diet-pill body

I like to flip my bleached hair

And pull down my shades

閳ユause trust me, I know what閳ユ獨 in the mirror

I閳ユ獡 nice yet fast paced

I like cool cars and a pretty face

I閳ユ獡 equipped with daddy閳ユ獨 credit card

And a Gucci bag

What閳ユ獨 your name? Wait, I don閳ユ獩 care

Just finish my nails

And then start on my hair

I want to look just like her

On the magazine cover of Allure

I have my surgeon on speed dial

My dog is the error, and now the trial

An artificial life lived in accepted denial

So while I strut my stuff in the latest style

Ill be sure to look your way and閳?br> Give you my most innocent smile閳ワ讣浜?

i was kinda going for a chik version of nickleback's rockstar

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

I honestly really like it!

I think you are talented. If you were to publish it someday, you would definitely have a large audience, because I feel that the listener can relate to the lyrics.

Keep up the good work and good luck!!

PS: Can't wait to hear it on the radio! ;)

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

I hate music that makes women seem stupid and superficial. but its true with some , I like it

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

...it's a little scary...

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

Simone says YOU ARE THE WORST SONG WRITER IN THE WORLD

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

it okay so you like to write songs i use to sing i tried to get in the music biss good luck :}

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

it doesnt flow just right but i like where your taking this. Its funny. ;)

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

i think its pretty good!

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

sounds more like paris hilton on nickleodeon

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

I could see one of the "pop-tarts" singing it on MTV. As for me, it seems to Jessica/Brittney/Christina/Paris for me. I like Pink, Gwen Steffani, Joan Jett types. They wouldn't be caught dead singing a song like this. Just my opinion.

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

pretty good but don't copy someone else.............learn to take pictures too....too blurry, but you are way cute

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

These lyrics are great for Paris Hilton.

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

Its ight...i can do better and im more into rap freestylin and stuff

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

No, that is not what Simone or Simon would say....

However-her is my critic marks:

Interesting song lyrics, a little degrading but with that aside here goes.

1. Mommy? I hope thats not the title.

2. Take out the word "lived" in....an artificial life lived in accepted denial. Make it an artificial life in accepted denial, so it doesnt turn into a tongue twister.

3. Also the word "just", just doesnt fit there smoothly. MAke it...I want to look like her on the cover of allure

Other than that...it is perfect. DO you have the music too? Good Luck

CRITIQUE ME! What do you think of these lyrics? brutally honest....?

WoW

That is strange